Sunday, October 17, 2010

What's wrong?

I find myself having symptoms of Hypomania...

1. I find myself reading five books at once. (10+ articles in my case)
2. I can’t concentrate.
3. I find myself talking faster than usual. (No one I can talk to, I talk to myself)
4. I feel irritable.
5. I’m hungry all the time.
6. Friends tell me that I’m crabby.
7. I need to move around because I have more energy than usual

It's suggested doing these things will help in reducing symptoms and maintaining wellness...

1. talk to a supportive person
2. get a full eight hours of sleep (haven't had any for more than a month)
3. cut back on your activities
4. attend a support group
5. call your doctor or therapist
6. do something fun or creative
7. take time for yourself to relax and unwind
8. write in your journal
9. exercise (I've stopped my daily 1 hour swmimming for a month)
10. ask for extra help from loved ones
11. cut back on sugar, alcohol, and caffeine (I've more than 3 cups of coffee + tea per day)
12. increase your exposure to light
13. increase or decrease the stimulation in your environment

Apparently I've done none of the above... Would taking antimanic help?


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Self Confidence

Realised I have turned into a negative person, haven't had any constructive self-talk to myself for years...

I miss the old me full of confidence, happy and motivated to do everything, try every new thing, why has Architecture made me into this? I used to scored A's with ease, I have excellent logical thinking, I have my own self discipline, but in this practise, I lost it, all.

Remembered I once talked to Sze Hua before entering architecture, don't look too highly of me, I will try, however am prepared for everything. Yes, now that we can conclude on the conversation, I am such a failure in this...

I try to love my course, my life, my living, but I cannot stop it from pushing me down, I hate it.

I am feeling harder and harder to breathe, go blank everytime I looking at the cad drawings, have no confidence, have no courage to talk to people, I have been looked down, I hate it.

May it just be something period, over, forward the time fast to pass through remaining 1 year 2 months, my only wish now...

Suddenly I miss riding around during wee hours on carless roads of KL city.